Yesterday I patronized the local store of an office supply chain instead of ordering printer paper through the mail, which is convenient and fast and inexpensive. I was rewarded with such silliness at the cash register that it has pretty much sealed my resolution to avoid the local store in the future.
The house brand of paper comes in several qualities, with the 100% recycled paper costing about three dollars more than the non-recycled paper that is nearest in price. I took a package of recycled paper up to the register and proceeded to pay for my purchase.
The first silliness was where to pay. I did see the sign that said "please go to the shipping department to pay", but there was no one at the shipping department. Seeing a woman paying at the checkout counter, I went to the checkout, only to have the saleswoman march me over to the shipping department.
The second silliness was the rewards program. It has been years since I received a discount on anything I have bought at this store. I used to buy a variety of supplies for my classroom because the teacher discount was helpful, but they gradually removed everything practical from the list of items eligible for a discount. I gave the saleswoman my rewards number and of course it made no difference.
The third silliness was the payment process. I know that using a debit card involves several questions at different stores and I try to remember to watch the keypad display for all of the questions. The displays say do I agree to the amount? do I want it all on this card? do I want to save homeless pets? enter my zip code, and so on.
Yesterday there was a new question: do I want my receipt on paper or through email? The fourth silliness came when I told the saleswoman I would like a paper receipt.
"Some people like it through email! Save the trees!" she chirped.
"I just bought recycled paper that costs more than your regular paper. I think I'm doing okay," I replied.
As I had parked my car before entering the store, I saw her walking into the store from the far side of the lot, and one whiff of her as she redirected me to the shipping counter confirmed that she was returning from her smoke break. I wasn't about to be lectured on saving the planet by a young woman who just had ground a cigarette butt under her heel in the parking lot.
In my mind, as I drove home, I imagined the board meeting where an executive proposes that the company add a step to the checkout process at their stores across the country. Convincingly, he argues that it will save the company thousands of dollars on cash register paper. (I would have to print out a paper copy for my taxes at home any way.) Customers like to unclutter their lives by keeping records and paying bills electronically, he continues. (I like paper. It is not as easily deleted by accident.) The clincher is when he points out that thousands of email addresses will be gathered in this way, even from customers who are not enrolled in the rewards program. (I am continually unsubscribing. Why do the emails keep coming? How did they find me in the first place?) These customers can now be wooed through email with special offers, bringing them back into the store for more sales. (They just lost what little was left of my business, but I'm not the typical consumer. I am willing to pay more for recycled paper.)
The upshot of all this silliness was that the incident yielded more entertainment than annoyance.
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